Saturday, April 29, 2006

Caution: I am attractive!

I have been again reading another series of woman’s battle; this one is called “every single woman’s battle.” Hm,.. I am single, thus I ordered this book via Amazon. I thought this book will be another explanation about being single in Christ.

I was wrong! It was a workbook.

Honestly, I was disappointed, because this book was in the offer, only £3.5 (thus, peepz, don’t buy a thing only because it is in the offer. Stupid me!), thus I ordered it.

This workbook contains questions that you have to answer regarding sexuality issue and Christianity. This book is related to the book I read before: every woman’s battle.

I went through this book; I read the introduction. It was Okay! Then, I started filling in some questions. I was getting more and more interested.

Until I was in the section of Yes/No type of questions; I was very surprised and stunned when I read this question: Do you feel secretly excited or powerful when you sense that a man finds you attractive?

I answered: YES.

I didn’t realize that I have felt this way the whole time. When a man liked me, I would always say “I don’t notice”, or “I don’t know”, because I thought that I don’t know it. After reading this book (and of course the previous woman’s battle book), I realized that actually, deep down in my heart, I knew it and I enjoyed the pleasure.

I felt excited about it.

I felt that I am meaningful, important.

Once, a guy I didn’t know very well fancied me, my housemate told me. Yet, I said to my housemate, I didn’t notice.

"How could you know that a guy likes you? if you are not close to him and at some points he gives you a call or chats with you? Isn’t that just normal? I cannot distinguish a guy who fancies me or a guy who just wants to be friend with me. They are all the same."

That was what I said.
I was so stubborn kept thinking that this guy didn’t like me and just wanted to befriend with me, especially because he knew I am in a relationship.
In the end, it became clear that he actually did like me. (I don’t think I have to tell the whole story).

I shared this to Stefy. He was upset, “You are always like this. How do you not know if a guy likes you?” He questioned me with similar questions I have asked myself before. I gave him the same answer: “I didn’t notice anything

Yet, during this confession, I admitted that I always think that no body will like me, will fancy me because there is nothing attractive, nothing special about me - also, with the fact that I am in a relationship.

During filling in questions in my new workbook, this issue came back to me. I realized that I have felt this way, felt not worthy; I have a very low self-esteem.

All of these truths made me flashback to years ago when I was still at school. During my elementary school, I was always bullied. My female classmates didn’t really want to befriend with me. It happened, too, during my junior high school and first grade senior high school.

I can recall when I was in elementary school, a girl insulted me saying that I was too girlish or, in a negative way, too seductive, because of my style. Thus, I changed my style differently. I became very boyish. I refused wearing skirt or tight-tops, or sleeveless tops.

When I was teenager, I liked some guys. I fancied my school president (read: ketua OSIS), my classmates, and also a guy that played basketball. In fact, most of the guys I liked didn’t like me (read: cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan).

All the facts above had made me think I am worthless; they have reduced my self-esteem. Honestly, before reading this workbook, I have never been thinking that I am sufficiently attractive.

Actually, it was Elvin that made me realize. One night, we were chatting, giggling, and sharing some stories, then (I forgot how it started), she said, if I have to give you a score, between 1 to 10, I would give you 9.5.

What? No way!! You are joking!!!
I was laughing, very hard.

Elvin is a unique creature that is hardly serious (heheh,.. sorry phien!) Thus, I thought, she must be joking .

She, trying to be serious, then said that it was true.
Her comment made me think for a while. Am I really that attractive?

He, nia, what’s the point?
Peepz, I do not write this post to claim that I AM ATTRACTIVE or I AM BEAUTIFUL. No,.. I want to share that NOTHING can make you feel more valuable, not a guy, not money, not fashion, nothing!

If your fans, full with cute guys, are queuing in front of your door, it doesn’t make you more valuable.

If you have tons of euros to spend, it doesn’t make you more valuable.

If you always have the latest mode in your wardrobe, it doesn’t make you more valuable.

What makes you more valuable is to realize that you are worthy; you are valuable. You are who you are and what you are.

I said this one to my friend, my close friend, “You are worthy, no matter what. God has created you and God doesn’t make mistake. He has a great plan for you!”

Another thing that can make you can do to feel more attractive inside out, be thankful in everything.

For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' ” 1 Samuel 16:7

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

What is love?

Love is my Mom,
when I throw a Kerokeropi (Japanase character - a green froggy with BIG eyes) hairclip, a present from my mom, when I was furious to my mom. She forgave me.

Love is Anita,
when I fell off from the bike, early in the morning, and I got home bleeding. I woke her up to ask for help and she voluntarily woke up and helped me.

Love is my Dad,

when he cried out to God not knowing what he had done wrong of not being able to support her (lovely) daughter’s study sufficiently.

Love is Stefy,
when I said “I have been angry a lot more than you. Okay, let’s count how many times I have been angry at you in these past five years!” (info: I was upset because Stefy hardly gets angry at me, silly, huh?!) and he answered “I never count them and I don’t want to remember any. What I remember is I love you.

Love is Ulma,

when she brought me Vegetarian Martabak (Indonesian Omelet), Oranges, and Albert Heijn (gezond) Vegetarian Sandwiches when I was ill and couldn’t eat any tasteless food. (Hu, Nia, you are so spoiled!!hehehe)

Love is God.
When He laid down His life for me, when I was still sinner (tho I am still one); I am freed! And He even calls me His friends, His colleagues. Yipee,…!!

What is LOVE to you?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Simon of Cyrene

It is the second day.
I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.

I cried, yes Simon cried.

I couldn’t remember when I cried for the last time. Ribkah just came in, bringing some slices of bread, but I couldn’t eat any.

Yesterday, on the way home, I saw Ribkah’s friends gathering in front of the city hall.
I don’t like them.
They often spend their time doing nothing but talking nonsense. Amazingly, Ribkah was there, too. Ribkah was bewildered by their stories.

“Simon, how are you?”
Ribkah saw me, and dragged me to join her.
“A couple of weeks ago, you were in Jerusalem, weren’t you?”
I nodded.
“Oh, he must have heard about this guy!” a woman added.

“She heard news from Jerusalem about a guy rising up from the dead. Oh yeah,.. He was crucified. It is very strange! I cannot believe it,” Ribkah continued.

“I think it is true, because the tomb was empty,” another woman said.

I don’t know why, but I became quite interested in talking about this guy. I asked, “do you by any chance know what his name is?”

“Jesus, son of Joseph.”

I was stunned.
I was speechless. I softly mumbled, “so, it was true!”

Ribkah asked, “what did you say, Simon?”

I was quite tired at that time. I had gone to the country to do some extra jobs. I had to earn more money. Alexander and Rufus were growing up and we needed extra money to feed them. I heard that there were some opportunities in the country, so I went there.

I didn’t realize that I was in Jerusalem already. I was very much occupied with my thoughts. Ah,.. I missed my kids.

I saw a lot of people gathered. They were standing in a line – shouting, screaming. They were angry. Who were they shouting about? I was wondering.

“Crucify him! Crucify him!”

It must be another criminal.
I like Jerusalem. It is a very nice place, very modern, but I am afraid to raise my children here, I thought.
“Crucify him!”

I went to see the crowd. I saw a man, looking very thin. He was bleeding. I saw his back. Ouch,.. he must be hurting. I was stillamazed by what I was seeing when a soldier came up to me.

“Hey you, help him!”

The soldier pulled my cloth, dragged me, and impolitely asked me to carry the cross.
I didn’t mind, really.
I was very sorry for that criminal.
What had he done wrong?

He was walking slowly behind me. I knew for sure he could hardly walk.
I looked back.
He looked at me, too.
I kept asking myself, what has this guy done wrong?

We reached Golgotha. It was quite exhausting.
I passed the cross to this guy. Once again, he looked at me, very deeply.

I walked. I think, I half-ran. I was scared, or afraid.
Then I heard a guy said, “if you are the Son of God, help yourself!”

For the very last time, I looked at him, from afar. He still looked at me, too.


Ribkah knocks on the door,

“Simon, someone is looking for you.”
I walk towards the front door and see a man standing in front of the door.
“Are you Simon?” he asked. “I am from Jerusalem.”

I approach him straight away, “tell me more about him!”

(written last week, during Easter Arts Festival - Crossroads Church and this week it is posted on Signal - Crossroads Magazine)

Saturday, April 22, 2006


This morning, during my doing final dissertation section, I opened my friend’s blog, Mr. Ega. He is a cool brotha I met in Indonesia last summer. (I reckon I have mentioned his name a couple times in this blog)

His post today shocked me to death, hm,.. not literally but it was like a wake up call that I, too, have to announce to my friend. In my quite time, this morning, I was also reading similar thing.

Here I translate his post, I hope it is a good translation so that you can also experience the same thing I did this morning.

In this world, if I can categorize it, there are 5 types of regret:

  1. One-day regret: if you cook a very nice meal yet it is burnt.
  2. One-month regret: if your hair is mistakenly cut – you have asymmetrically strange hair.
  3. One-year regret: If you are failed your final exams and have to re-do the whole year all over again.
  4. A-lifetime regret: If you have chosen the wrong companion to be your husband or wife.
  5. Forever regret: if you have failed to choose the right savior, failed to recognize the true savior.

Meditate on these points, especially the last one. Do not get trapped by choosing the ‘good’ one or ‘nice’ one (sounds nice, sounds promising), or even worse because everybody else is doing it; yet choose the right one. Because what is good is not always right.

Friends, there is only ONE who dares to say “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Who is He?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Indonesia Today

Anita: Nie, I just called my mom and she told me a story about the sermon she heard last Sunday.
Oh Really?
: Ya, the preacher had a gift to see or dream about what would happen in the future. He had also seen Tsunami happening once in his dream. Last Sunday, he shared about his latest dream. He saw that in the coming moths, something big, even bigger than Tsunami will happen.
Hm,… *thinking and nodding
(unexpectedly come and join the conversation, heheheh – sorry Gol, just kidding!) Benny Hinn was in Indonesia last month,.. he kind of said a similar thing. Oh no,.. he said a good news, actually, that there would be a big revival in Indonesia.

(still) Hm,…
The preacher in Solo said that this happening would not only affect Indonesia, but the neighbors, too, like
China and India.
Nie: Really,.. Hm,… (nodding)


Nie: Oh my gosh,.. I read a couple days ago in Google News that ‘something’, like natural disturbance I think, was founded or at least felt in Indonesia, China and India. Will that be….?

Finally everybody was just nodding and thinking and hm-ing. We of course prayed for it personally everyday.

Thus, what is actually happening in Indonesia today?

JAKARTA (AFX) - A strong earthquake measuring 5.9 on the Richter scale struck off the western coast of northern Sumatra in Indonesia, the Meteorology and Geophysics Agency here said.

The quake, centered 33 kilometers under the floor of the Indian Ocean some 300 kilometers west of Simeulue, was only moderately felt on the island, said Hardiyanto of the agency's office in the capital Jakarta.

There were no reports of
injuries or damage from the quake, which struck at 2.36 am local time.

Solo, C Java (ANTARA News) - Mount Merapi`s condition is getting more worrisome eight days after it was declared under an alert status, a volcanology agency official said here on Wednesday.

He said the reflector planted at the mountain`s top had moved around five centimers away from its original position meaning that the lava vault had moved upward so that eruption was more likely.

He said based on the development the mountain`s slope area in the district of Klaten would likely risk three factual eruption fallouts namely lava flows, hot clouds and burning rocks.

According to him, three villages would likely be heavily affected if the mountain really erupted namely Tegalmulyo located only around three kilometers from the mountain`s top and Sidorejo as well as Balerante located around 10 kilomters from the top.(*)

JAKARTA (Reuters) - About 300 hardline Indonesian Muslims vandalized a building housing the office of
Playboy magazine on Wednesday in a protest
against its publication in the world's most populous Muslim nation.

Clad in white shirts and skull caps the protesters threw rocks at the front lobby, breaking the windows of the building in the south of Jakarta several days after the magazine hit news-stands for the first


(CNN) -- A young girl in Indonesia died of highly pathogenic bird flu last month, bringing the country's total number of confirmed H5N1 human cases to 30, the World Health Organization announced Tuesday.

Thus, will those dreams and premonition come true? I don’t know,.. maybe you don’t know either, and probably the preacher don’t either. God knows. He is the One that we can rely on. He is the One that stays the same, forever and ever.

What we can do is praying for ourselves, our family and friends, and of course for Indonesia. The most important thing is turning back from our wicked ways and seeking God's face.

I recall a song I learned in Indonesia during my childhood…

Biarpun gunung-gunung beranjak
Dan bukit-bukit pun bergoyang
Tapi kasih setiaMu tak akan, beranjak dariku.

(even though mountains move,
And hills too
But your unfailing love will never move away from me.)

Monday, April 17, 2006

Get a grip!

Once again,..
“Get a grip, Nia!”

Have you ever been walking in a path, and you are 100% sure that you are on the right track, yet you fell or you get lost?

You must have felt very disappointed. The next thing you would do is blaming yourself for not knowing the right path. Another possibility would be blaming on someone else.

I would do the latter, I think.

I walked, and am walking, on the right path. I know that for sure.
Yet I fell.

I was very sad.
I was very disappointed that I fell, again.

Wanna know what is worst?
I had blamed God for what happened.
Bad, bad, bad, Nia!

This kindof situation has happened a couple times.
I am so glad that I am currently cured.
With “everything happens for a reason” and “nothing worth having comes easy” excuses, I rely on Him, fully.

Even more important, I know His promises never fail.

Recently, my family and I were once again had to go through similar path, uneasy path.
I didn’t understand, we didn’t understand, at all.

It seemed that we have walked on the right path. We relied on Him, fully; yet the failure came again, and again.

I was very disappointed.
Thankfully, I remembered my God. I cried out to Him, remembering His unfailing love.

Indeed, He always fulfills my needs.
Although I am in need, I never starve. I have a place to stay.

Last night, I came across a nice sentence written by C.S Lewis. He was asked, why many faithful people, Christians, who pray and commit their ways to God, also suffer, also have to go through a hardship. He surprisingly said, “Why not? They are the ones, the only, chosen ones, who can win the hardship!”

Friends, do not be afraid.

Everyone has his own load; yet God is with you.

He will NEVER leave you.

And we still have each other to support us.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter, friends

Because he is risen

Spring is possible

In all the cold hard places

Gripped by winter

And freedom jumps the queue

To take fear’s place

as our focus

Because he is risen

Because he is risen

My future is an epic novel

Where once it was a mere short story

My contract on life is renewed

in perpetuity

My options are open-ended

My travel plans are cosmic

Because he is risen

Because he is risen

Healing is on order and assured

And every disability will bow

Before the endless dance of his ability

And my grave too will open

When my life is restored

For this frail and fragile body

Will not be the final word

on my condition

Because he is risen


Because he is risen

And because he is risen

A fire burns in my bones

And my eyes see possibilities

And my heart hears hope

Like a whisper on the wind

And the song that rises in me

Will not be silenced

As life disrupts

This shadowed place of death

Like a butterfly under the skin

And death itself

Runs terrified to hide

Because he is risen

Source: Gerard Kelly -

...and because He is risen, I am able to travel with Him
in my open-ended journey
with salvation and eternity rewarded

JC, thanks a bunch!
You chose to die so that I may live.

Friends, wanna live?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Getting married?

It is very late,.. and I listen to a song that makes me think "Hm,.. this is the song I want to play in my wedding day."

see the pyramids around the Nile
watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
just remember darling all the while -
you belong to me

see the marketplace in old Angier
send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears -
you belong to me

and I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

oh I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Happy Three Friends

Formula 1

Iphien: *giggle

Nia: *giggle even harder

Ulma: Wakakakak

(everyone looks at Ulma, astonishingly)

Formula 2

Nia: Crazy!

Iphien + Ulma: HAHAHAHAHHA (*impolitely laughing)

Formula 3

Nia + Ulma + Iphien: HUA HA HA HA HA

Pajamas party?

Yeah right?! I don’t think it was a PJ party of something like it.

It was more a Saturday Night Fever.

Or a Dirty Dancing?

Or,.. hm,.. just a nasty weekend, hehehe

Oh no,.. I know,.. it was a Pa-He Day (Pa-He = Paket Hemat = Special cheap offer)

We went to watch Korean Movie, titled ‘Sad Movie’

(thus, ladies and gentlemen, the title is SAD MOVIE, thus it is not a sad movie)

Unexpectedly, we got student discount, thus we paid less.

Then, this lovely lady gave us THREE DISCOUNT CARDS to eat in WAGAMAMA.



Still, we are students; we bought only two meals and shared them with the three of us.

And ordered green tea for our beverage, which is free.

It was greaaat!!!

Surprisingly, when we were walking in Vondel Park,

Heading to Film Museum,

We LOUDLY talked Indonesian, about Indonesian things, (Nasty thing, heheh ya ga phien?)

Then, I recognized a group of Indonesian people in front of us.

A woman looked at me and, “Oh, Halo,.. apa kabar?” (How are you?)

This group was people from my Indonesian church.

Then, one of the formulas above occurred. (apparently, formula 3)

After watching the SAD MOVIE, which appeared to be not sufficiently sad,

And we were only laughing because of the Kadek-like guy and the Tukang-tahu-like guy,

Expectedly, in the end of the movie, we laughed.

Loudly, we talked Indonesian, and laughed again.

(and one of the formulas above occurred, again)

Then, a Chinese like guy approached me

“Hey, you are Vira’s friend, right? From Crossroad church?”

*ziiingg,.. (silence)

Ulma and Iphien giggled.

This guy, who in the end I finally knew his name was Ferry, was apparently a guy from my current church.

He is Indonesian.

He has noticed me since we were in Wagamama; he was having dinner there too.

I believe, he has noticed how LOUD we are.

It was great anyway.

In Iphien’s house, we were spending out Saturday night doing nothing but laughing.

Even in our sleep, we laughed.

Happy Three Friends

Like Iphien said,.. where were we these last three years?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Crash by love

It's funny, really!
I was writing about discrimination a couple days ago, and then I watched this movie.

It was very peculiar.

It was like God reminded me that all you need is LOVE.

Yesterday, with tears running down from my eyes, I recalled the book of John I read last week.

No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us--perfect love!

1 John 4:12

"If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see?"

1 John 4:20

I like this movie very much. When the Academy Award was held a couple weeks ago, I was very disappointed when they announced this film as the winner of the best film.

Although I didn't really like 'Brokeback mountain' (because of the Gay scene), I liked the storyline, and the settings, and OF COURSE, Heath Ledger :P. Thus, I was thinking that it would win! Yet, Crash won. I was upset, since I had not yet seen the film at that time,... and I thought,.. it must be just another commercial, drama, oscar-to-be, film. I thought,.. Ryan Philippe? then Sandra Bullock? and the "George of the Jungle" man?? Ah,.. no way,.. it must be just another silly, cheesy movie.

Now,.. i announce,.. this film is a VERY GOOD FILM!!!

It is probably too idealistic, but I think every problem in the world can just be solved by LOVE.
Don't you think so?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Take My Life

By: Chris Tomlin

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.


It was tonight, just now, when I was practising singing in the worship band for my church.
It was the first time, I sang this song
It was the first time, in my life, I think,
..when I had to cry in the middle of a rehearsal.
Life, silver, golds, money, will
voice, heart, love
All these things are things I have been having difficulty
to surrender to Thee.

It was tonight, just now, when I was, once again, reminded
He is worthy
He is more than anything
Nia, you can surrender everything,...
Your future.
Your future job, as now you are applying for one
Your future husband, as now you are having relationship with Bang Tepy
Your future finance, as now you are struggling and praying for a better situation
Your future education, as now you are thinking for Master program
and even your short-term future plan,..
your final dissertation, your trip back, for good, to Indonesia

in front of you
in this medium
I surrender my life,..
Lord, Take My Life
and use it for Your Glory.

P.S. Dad, Mom, Adrian, I dedicate this song to you.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Nia's article - Indonesian version

Have you been enjoying my writing in english?
Today, I dedicate to you, my first Indonesian post.
not here
but somewhere else

Drop by, and enjoy mine and ulma's adventure in writing our final dissertation.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

“Golda juga manusia”

(Golda is also a human)

When I found this song in the internet, I downloaded it straight away. I laugh everytime I listen to this song. It reminded me of my brother who would sing this song when he was teasing my little sister (Joan juga manusia, punya rasa punya hati).

Lately, this song kind of stayed in my head. I sing it to Golda or Anita when I am in the crazy mood, heheh.

This song made me think about my past, the moment when I was still in Indonesia. I studied in a private school full of Chinese-Indonesian students, which I was actually one of them.

The gap between Chinese-Indonesian and Native-Indonesian, at that time, was quite big. I wouldn’t say that they hated each other, but there was always something that would cause one party to talk negatively about another party.

After two year in the Netherlands, I went back home. I showed some pictures to my Chinese-Indonesian friend. It was the picture in Jaap Eden, Skating area in Diemen, with my good friends. She, then, said “Nia, why do you befriend with them?” She pointed to my friends who stood next to me, whose the skins are darker then mine, whose eyes are bigger then mine, and whose hair is different than mine.

I looked into her eyes, astonishingly. If I knew this song earlier, I would, of course, grab my guitar, sing this song to her “They are also human!” (M’reka juga manusia, punya mata punya hati). I, once, did the same. I differentiated ( I don’t like the word ‘discrimination’) my native Indonesian friends.

A good friend of mine had ever shared that he came from a society that didn’t really like Chinese-Indonesian people; he is a native Indonesian. I also remember when I was little, some boys from my neighborhood called me “Cino,.. cino,.. cino totok!” I didn’t like it either.

In Surabaya, where I am from, this discrimination thingy was going on. I don’t know how it is now.

Thank God, my parents educated me very well. My mom was even angry at me when I was into this discrimination thingy.

After almost four years in the Netherlands, I realized that I was VERY wrong at that time. Why? Because they are human, too. We are human, too. Nothing is different. God created us according to His likeness. Thus, we, all, have the same status in God’s eyes. Honestly, I even enjoy befriending with native Indonesian friends. Most of them are very down to earth! They are very honest. I do not see any ‘Ja-im’ alias Jaga Image (behaving nicely to protect your image) in them. I don’t say that Chinese-Indonesians are worse in Ja-Im thingy,.. noo not at all! Yet, the point is that everybody is unique in his own way. I love being with any of my friends.

Maybe some of you have known that I am currently applying for being a lecturer in some of Indonesian universities. This is actually one of my missions. I would like to share this to my future students. I want to create a new generation that loves each other, no more discrimination,..

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

(John Lennon)

Saturday, April 01, 2006


After these sleepless nights, these hate-love fighting sections, after phone calls, miscalls and SMS,.. I realize one thing, ONE important thing.

Ah, I have forgotten my Daddy, my JC.
I haven’t talked to Him for a while.
Hm,.. I actually talked, I prayed
I read the Bible.
Yet,.. it was just a ritual.
I haven’t really taken a time, to pray, to experience His presence in my life and chat with Him, for a while.

Ah, I hated when Stefy didn’t reply my SMS,
…or the fact that we are so far away that we cannot meet.
I hated it so much.
I hated so much when I expected Stefy to reply my SMS, but he didn’t.
I kept on waiting, without knowing what happened with him.

It happened, too, with another friend of mine.

Once, she disappeared.
I couldn’t reach her. She didn’t reply my SMS.
She was gone!
I was worried, afraid, not knowing what happened with her.
(thankfully in the end I could meet her, she way okay :) )

Ah, I hate the feeling.

During these last two days, God, kind of, reminded me that He has been waiting to talk to me.
He misses me so much that He wants to talk to me, listen to my prayer and to have a nice conversation.

Ah,..I have been very busy with my dissertation.
I neglected Him.

Ah,..God, forgive me.
I reckon I know how you might feel when I didn’t talk to you.

The good thing is that while I will get angry or disappointed when I have to wait
My God is very patient.
He is waiting for me to come back.

Ah,.. I think I am going to shut down my laptop
And read my Bible now
Before I rest.

Have you talked to Him lately?

Joel 2 : 12 - 13

But there's also this, it's not too late--

GOD's personal Message!-

"Come back to me and really mean it!"

Come back to GOD, your God.

And here's why: God is kind and merciful.

He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot,

This most patient God, extravagant in love,

always ready to cancel catastrophe.