Thursday, April 26, 2007

Welcome, princess!

Last night, I was the most beautiful and happiest woman in the world. It was nothing unusual. I was just invited to this family gathering –birthday party- of Stefy’s grandma. It was wonderful.
Why? Because I could blend with his family, chat with the cousins, joke with the uncles and presented myself well in front of them. I was very confident. I wasn’t confident because I felt pretty or success in front of them, no, not at all. I was confident because of who I am.
In result, his family and relatives liked me (at least, that’s what I thought).

I rarely feel that way.

As I may have shared a couple of times in this blog, and to some particular people, I always feel little and useless. I feel nothing. I often feel that I haven’t achieved anything in particular, either in my career or my daily life.

Who am I? Just an ordinary girl, not pretty nor sexy; not tall nor white skin. I am just an ordinary graduate student who hasn’t excellent career at multinational company or as an entrepreneur, nor I receive any scholarship to continue my study in Harvard-liked universities.

"You are what you think you are"

This morning, a morning talk-show accompanied me as I sipped my coffee-latte (yes, you read it right, Nia drank coffee latte. What a disgrace!) and bit my chocolate bun. The MC said that phrase, "you are what you think you are." I held my coffee cup and looked at myself, deep inside myself, am I now what I think I am and I would be?

I have noticed me saying to myself, "Nia, you are hated, no one likes you. You are not wanted" or "Nia, you are not capable of doing this job. You are not good enough to do this" and other similar sayings. I have to admit, sometimes these sayings made me feel good. When bad things happen, it is easier for me to point the finger at me, blaming everything to me.
I know it is not healthy. Stefy warned me a couple of times; he also pondered how I could feel and see that way when I actually have so many potentials and talents.

Recent issue
FYI, I have just left my previous job in you-know-where land. There were so many issues going on and I could not bear it anymore. It was not me giving up, but I could not see the end point of the problems. Moreover, I no longer have the same perception and dreams that some people at the organisation have.

Honestly, I, once, carried the burdens all alone. I felt that the problems were caused by my incapability as PR manager to handle. Thank God, I knew it was such a lie. Thanks for the prayers, supports and everything that anyone in the world have been doing for my particular job and the particular place I worked.

When I had a little farewell event, which I actually hated, everyone said goodbye to me and cried. I didn’t expect that it would happen. I was there only for more than half year. Some elderly friends, which have become my family when I was there, uttered that I have touched their lives in some ways; they were blessed by me.

I cried (and am crying now). I had never thought that I would have such impact to people’s lives. Some of my housemates hugged me and continuously cried and said, "we will definitely miss you. We lose you, Nia. You were very meaningful." I couldn’t stop crying, for that miserable farewell moment, but mostly for the sayings I heard.

Some locals too said that they would miss me. They were very sad. One close friend also said that he would miss one person that usually encouraged him and cheered him up when he was troubled or sad.

A couple of days ago, I received some SMS saying similar things.

Honestly, I couldn’t believe that my life, work, saying and deeds have given some impacts to other people.

You are blessed coz I am
I think I should start thinking differently and confidently present myself as a princess. At least, I should present myself as I did last night: confidently walk and look other people, talk about myself, work, and my dream, and confidently encourage and support other people. Just imagine the way the little, insignificant Cinderella presented herself in front of the jet set during the dance party, even though just for a couple hours. Yes, although I am not pretty, sexy or dazzling (based on the worldly valuation), I MUST think that I am a blessing for other people and can touch other people’s lives by my skills and talents. And, most importantly, to think that I am WORTHY, because I want to be WORTHY.

Yes, I am worthy and I can be a blessing for other people. That is what I wanna keep doing in the future, in my daily life, work, education, family, friendship, and ministry: be a blessing!
One person sent me a message in the end of our chat that has become such an encouragement since then: "let’s stretch God’s kingdom on earth." Let’s do it by initially being a blessing for someone else.

Be a prince(ss)! And be a blessing!


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

What Kind of Coffee Drink Am I?



Wednesday, April 18, 2007

pursuing romantism

Last nite you told me that I ain't romantic. How could you?
In fact, it is true *giggling*
I ain't romantic, AT ALL :)
"Gosh, what kind of a woman am I?"

Anyway, here I try to be as romantic as I could be

Pretend that I am next to you, sitting behind my piano
wearing my simple, black dress, playing and singing this song for you

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to see.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

p.s. thanks God we have Michale Buble (thank dude! your song is superb!)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

J4L (Just 4 Laugh)

A man wants to have a WIFE because she can make his life :

W : Wonderful
I : Interesting
F : Fascinating
E : Extraordinary

But a woman will have to be extra careful in finding a HUSBAND, because he might be:

H : Hopeless
U : Unaccountable
S : Senseless
B : Boring
A : Authoritative
N : Nuisance
D : Discriminative

Why does a man want to have a WIFE? Because she can provide :

W : Washing
I : Ironing
F : Food
E : Entertainment

Why does a woman wanna have a HUSBAND? Because he is expected to :

H : House her
U : Understand her
S : Share everything with her
B : Buy anything for her
A : and
N : Never
D : Demand anything from her!!!!!!!!

(Milis Ayah Bunda - Le Sian Hoa)


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Saving Money, Nia

Fewh,.. Java Jazz Festival just finished. And now I found this in JJF website.


Michael Buble?
Dave Koz??

Gosh,.. I should start saving some money :( :(

(forget MacBook, forget Canon SLR, forget Dopod smart phone,...)

Monday, April 02, 2007

Happy Anniversary, Stefy

Maybe it is a little too late to write about this topic, because I and Stefy celebrated our 6th anniversary a couple of days ago, March 29th; yet it is never too late to say how glad and proud I have been these past 6 years.

When I tell people how long I have been with my boyfriend, Stefy, they would either be just surprised or be surprised and ask me, “Why don’t you two get married?” Both of the comments express how people are perplexed with our relationship: it is too long to just date for six years; we are supposed to get married.

People will freak out and look at me in the eyes when I add that I and Stefy have been through 4+ years long distance relationship (four years when I did my degree in the Netherlands plus unknown time limit (yet), since I am now on duty somewhere in Timbuktu). “Are you nuts?” asked some of our friends.

Hm,..maybe we are. Stefy always declares, proudly, “It just happens that we are one-in-a-million couple!” When he is self-centred, he, then, goes, “yeah, a guy like me is born once in every thousand year.” Deep in my heart, I will bluntly acknowledge the One that has been with us all the time.

Our sixth year hasn’t been easy, not at all! You probably think that by the sixth year of our relationship, we would know each other so well that we wouldn’t fight anymore. We would know what each other likes and doesn’t like. Hm,…I tell you the truth that may freak you out, yes, we still fight, we argue, and in fact, I don’t really know what Stefy exactly likes and doesn’t like.

I just knew that he doesn’t like ‘nasi kuning’, which I love very much. He just found out a couple of months a go that I hate the way he talked to me when he isn’t in his good mood. He just told me how he is annoyed by the way I hide my feeling and run away from problems or arguments. And other things,..

I thank God very much for this brilliant year of our relationship. God has taught us so many things, through our good and bad times, romantic moment or arguments. One simple thing that He wanted us, or specifically me, to learn this previous year, was to know and be sure that He has provided me the right person. What I am required to do is to maintain the relationship and be assured that he is the one.

Mission accomplished. I am now sure that he is the one. It is too fairytale, I know. But, it ain’t easy to be assured that someone is right for you, at least, it hasn’t been easy for me. During our six years relationship, I, and Stefy, too, have met some other people that we had thought could be the right one instead; but He always brought us back together. It is more then enough for me to know that he is the right one.

In the past, I was just afraid that there is actually another guy, the right guy, somewhere else, waiting for me. I was afraid that I am actually destined to be with another guy. But no, we, human, have free-will. We are not robot, neither are we Sim City characters, that are designed and decided to do this and that, and to be with this or that person. We can choose. It is just how and who you choose. If we make mistakes, our Creator won’t be quite; He will do something. He will warn us and bring us back to the right path.

I have slipped, once or twice, and, indeed, He brought me back. And now, here I am, being somewhere in Timbuktu, having another long distance relationship with the same guy, Stefy, and still being in love to each other.

Thus, now, we are in our 7th year of our relationship. I am so excited! We are now praying for our future: engagement, jobs, master degree, and other practical things. Once a week we will fast and pray for our relationship, and, we are reading this book called,.. ehem,.. “101 questions you should ask before you get engaged” by Norman Wright. (Please don’t laugh :P)

By this, I would like to encourage all of you who are going through long distance relationship. You can make it, peepz. I won’t say that it is easy; in fact, it is hard, very tough. However, I can do everything in God who gives me strength, right? Nothing’s impossible. How, Nia? My tips are just depending fully on God, trying a little bit harder and never giving up.