My Reflection!

What do you see when you stand in front of a mirror?
Yes, of course, reflection of your beautiful posture.
But, have you ever hated someone so bad yet in the end you realized that she was your reflection?

Let me tell you my most memorable experience.

I had a colleague whose gender is similar to mine: woman. Woman is always so talkative that it could turn her into the scariest, most bossy creature in the world. She acted so bossy to everyone in the office. She was a complainer once in a while. Anyway, I could stand that; in fact I didn't really care about her. I did my own business, she did hers. Although we occassionally worked together, we both never stabbed each other's back (so far I know).

But, her attitude was quite an issue in the office. Beyond her bossiness, she was also the person that was ALWAYS right! Every mistake or accident that happened was NEVER caused by her. However, we, all, knew that she wasn't always right.

"Oh, you should ask her for that matter because she did it."
"I didn't know about it. She supposed to know"
and other millions excuses came out from her mouth.

I heard from a colleague that she never express her anger or disappointment but she bottled everything up in her heart. She always acted as she was the kindest, never-been-angry person. However, once in a while she exploded. When she exploded, she would madly point her finger on someone else, to blame everything she had bottled up for so long.

Freak!
It must be the glance you had right now. I said that too once in a while. Until last week, when Stefy got so upset because my attitude.

"Nia, if you keep doing this, I can't stand it anymore! Why is it always so difficult for you to say what is in your heart? why is it so difficult to express how you feel, what you like and not like? It is okay if you keep everything inside and promise you won't explode, but you always bottle up everything and there would be a time, you would explode. And i don't like it!"

Crap! Shoot! *$#!*#$?! (grumbling!)

In the end, I realized that I have disliked my reflection in someone else's body.
I promise myself that I would change. I will be a different person, because I don't want to be her when I reach my 30 or 40 or ever. No, I will never that kind of person. No.

Rather, I will be a nice, loving, humble and wise lady :)

- - -
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend To help me start all over again
That would be just fine I know it's gonna work out this time
'Cause this time I am changing
(Jennifer Hudson - I am changing)

Poisonous Pride

I had been discreetly disappeared
Seeking solitude,
Acknowledgement,
and wealth.
But there isn’t any
Yet, I found troublesome, grief, and denial
I wished I hadn’t gone too far.

I try not to boast but I heard that some people were looking for me, looking for the real me writing some good, encouraging text. And I wasn’t available up till now. Because I have just come back from visiting denial, troublesome, grief, sin, silliness,… you name it. And I couldn’t find what I looked for.

Being a first child in the family has made me tough and perseverant, which is in one hand, very good. However, on the other hand, I was shaped to be a very independent person. Going abroad, all by myself, has also contributed to make me who I am right now, a very independent, sometimes self-centered person. I always say to myself, or to others, that I can do everything by myself.

“Do it yourself.” It is a statement that you currently hear everywhere. It is about not depending to other people while you can manage things by yourself. It is also a health issue, which pushes you to do things by yourself so that you can do more movement and lose weight.

But for me, my “do it yourself” level is over the limit. I always try to do every single thing by myself that I forget that I have others. I always feel VERY guilty when I ask other people’s help. By the time I stuck on some things, I always think that I can still do it by myself and don’t need other people.

In result I have overworked myself, or got very ill, or got frustrated.

I have been through this cycle a couple of times and it seemed that I got used to it; until I found another symptom in my cycle. I was very persistent to ask God for some helps. I have been too proud of myself, feeling that I didn’t need His help yet.

And, in the end, I found myself exhausted and starving for some helps.

At that point, I knew that I needed God so bad I could die without Him.

God, please mind Your forgiveness on me.

Bjork said that I am "Hidden Place"

Your song that resembles you is "Hidden Place" Congradulations.
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"Hidden Place"

Through the warmthest
Cord of care
Your love was sent to me

I'm not sure
What to do with it
Or where to put it

I'm so close to tears
And so close to
Simply calling you up
I'm simply suggesting

Now I have
Been slightly shy
And I can smell a pinch of hope
To almost have allowed once fingers
To stroke
The fingers I was given to touch with
But careful, careful
There lies my passion, hidden
There lies my love
I'll hide it under a blanket
Lull it to sleep

He's the beautifullest
Fragilest
Still strong
Dark and divine
And the littleness of his movements
Hides himself
He invents a charm that makes him invisible
Hides in the air
Can I hide there too?
Hide in the air of him
Seek solace
Sanctuary

We go to the hidden place I'll hide in the hidden place In the hidden place We go to a hidden place

I'm choco chip, ...

...same with Ulmie.

"I'm very hard to resist." HAHAHAHAH. Really? Am I?

But Chocolate chip cookies are indeed delicious. Especially when they are homemade and fresh from the oven. Yum... yum,.. yum,...