Thank Goodness I have a Brain!

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

It is the other side of me really. I am not usually into this kind of things. heheh,.. it is just too late and I want to go back home. I am waiting for my CEO to pick me up.
*whoaaa,.. does Nia have an affair?*

heheh :D
Not at all! I now live in Veenendaal (it is close to Utrecht and/or Amersfoort, you can take train from Amsterdam Zuid WTC, change in Duivendrecht, change again in Utrecht Centrum and finally go to platform 5, and take the train minute 22 or 52 to Veenendaal centrum - hehe isn't it complete information?) and my CEO lives in Veenendaal, too. He was the one helped me lookin for a room.

Thanks God, I have one

Okay,.. just keep waiting, just keep waiting and waiting

Déjà vu

I’ve never personally believe in it, yet, things that have been happening lately seem recurring: they were similar with what had happened last year.

You might remember that last year I was off to UK: place I’d always been dreaming of (until now really). I went for exchange program to Exeter.

In the beginning, it was such a pain. I knew no one. I came alone. My housemates were strangers (of course!). The people had different life-style and I was THE ONLY Indonesian. Everything was so different.

In the first few weeks, I desperately wanted to go back to Amsterdam. Even worse, I freaked out after I read about what my courses in the university were; they were totally different with what I’d expected. I wanted to learn about Visual Communication. I thought it would be something I’d learned back home in the Netherlands. Apparently, I would learn, mostly, about ART.

It didn’t interest me at all. It could be my mistake not found out about the courses before I’d left. Anyway,..

“Get a grip!”

Similarly I am in that kind of situation again. In contrast, I am now in the Netherlands, a place where I suppose to feel home. Yet, I felt different.

I am doing my second internship in OMF the Netherlands. Oh, I would spend ages telling you why I love being here. However, in this time, I would tell you why I feel, so-called, ‘home sick’.

Unfortunately, I had to move out from my homey-little room in Amsterdam. Apparently, OMF the Netherlands has a better solution for my accommodation. They found me a room in Veenendaal (province Utrecht). I was really happy. I’ve been dreaming lately about having a new room – a single room (It doesn’t me I hate my roommate. She is the BEST!). I remembered when I had a single room in UK, it was really fun. I reckon it is the syndrome what people normally call ‘a need for privacy’.

I live now with a lovely Dutch couple; they are great.
They are toppie ! (this is Dutch expression to say TOP!)
They are Christians, too.
Thus, it’s perfect.

Since I am a human, who would never be satisfied, I complained, AGAIN.
In here, they treat me like a family. Thus I communicated with them regularly, IN DUTCH. In the beginning, I was so excited, because I could practice my Dutch and improve it; however, I became desperate lately. I am so tired talking, thinking and correcting myself at the same time, all the times. If I discuss something with them, I have to think first what I am gonna say, then, I would say it in order, thinking the grammar, and finally, if it is wrong, I would correct myself, or they would correct it and I would say it again.

It is tiring.
I want to be heard but it is so difficult not being able to say what you want.

Here is also a new neighborhood for me. I need to adapt.

I am just tired.

The same problem, the same solution.

I know how I could solve this problem.

Do you know why God let these such things happened?
He wants to show His sovereignty, His love,

If things happen, I would turn to God 100%.

God says, “come you who are burdened and tired”. He also asks us to surrender our worries – to give them up to God.

Sometimes we make sections in our lives: (1) Sections which we ask God to take care of, (2) sections that we ask God to just partially get involved with and (3) there are also sections that we would take care by ourselves.

For instance, we would ask God to take care our study. Yet, when it comes to financial, we would ask God not to get involved.

As what is now happening to me, it is just a tiny problem; it is just about my Dutch. Yet, I might be boasting myself about how good I am in Dutch compared with others. I might say that I would be learning by doing. I would say that I would do self-study.

Now God shows how weak I am. I can’t do without Him. I could spend hours learning Dutch, but if it is for my own pride – to show off how good I am in Dutch – God would say “Hey,. No, no, Nia! It’s not about you. It’s about ME! Turn back, and look what your motivation is. If it is about you, you should consider changing it!

Thus, it is not only about learning Dutch, it is about being humble in God’s eyes.

when I finally write about Valentine

Hm,.. if you read this, the first think that pops up into your mind would be ‘Nia, it’s really cliché!’
Am I right?

Honestly, I didn’t plan to write about it in advance. Remember my last posts about my past and how Jesus found me back? I supposed to write about it – continuing my last stories – especially for my attentive readers.

What happened was I read Val’s blog, and I found out similarity between us –never celebrating valentine. I dunno how Val’s valentine’s day so far: has she ever got anything, or has she fallen in love on Valentine’s Day? Anyway, mine was not actually too bad.

As a teenager (Could I claim that I am an adult now?), I’d received some ‘things’ on Valentine’s Day. Hm,.. I shouldn’t describe it specifically, but it’d been a precious high-school moment.

What similar between my love life and Val’s is we’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with our boyfriend (right, Val?).

Saaaaddd?!!!
Loser!!

Ha ha ha,.. you might be shocked, or even worse you might think that I (or maybe my boyfriend) was a loser.

I am not actually a romantic person. I never think Valentine is a special moment for me personally. In my love life, I always say that ‘everyday is a Valentine’. Cliché tho! Yet, I don’t really care about it. In Indonesia, even though people celebrate it, they don’t really mean it. You know what I mean? Here, in western culture, people celebrate it as they celebrate Christmas; it is something important.

Still, if someone gives you a thing for Valentine, it might ‘move’ your heart. CMIIW (Correct me if I’m wrong)! You might think Valentine is ridiculous, but imagine, if a guy, that you might have fancied for a long time, comes to your house, gives you a bouquet of roses, or a box of chocolate (it’s a must present for Nia :P), would you say ‘Fool you, Valentine is stupid. Why you spend your money for such a thing!’?

I bet you wouldn't. Would you?

What if I tell you that I’ve once said the phrase above? Would you pay me my dinner for the whole next month, or maybe treat me in Pathe (cinema in the Netherlands)? Okay, Deal! (one-side agreement really :P)

I’VE DONE IT!

Sad huh? It was literally my fault.
I remember it was a week (or two) before Valentine’s Day. Everybody was so busy spreading brochures for Valentine presents: Teddy Bear, chocolates, heart cushions, flowers, etc. I was okay. I didn’t think it was ridiculous, but it was indeed meaningless for me.

At that time, I’d already had a boyfriend (the same I have now J). I knew he was similar type of me: unromantic person. In my opinion, we were unique, very unique. I was ‘proud’ of our relationship because we were different than others: not doing those Valentine thingy. We were easy going, not always intimately in love.

Suddenly, I overheard his conversation with his classmate. He was sort of preparing surprise for Valentine’s Day. I was surprised. When his classmate knew I overheard their conversation, he said that my boyfriend (I assume you know his name) would do something on Valentine’s Day.

You know what I did?
I said spontaneously “What? Are you crazy? No way! Don’t say that you’re serious! What for?”

First, I might think that he made a joke - if it wasn’t, I would still think that it was ridiculous.

(On Valentine’s Day, there was indeed nothing happened.)

In the end, my feminine-gene came out (too late) and I realized that I’d done wrong.
I, then, realized that it could be nice getting something from a special person on Valentine’s Day. As I told you before, I’d received things from some people for Valentine presents; yet they were not special, because I wasn’t in love with the givers. At that moment, my boyfriend would actually give me something (maybe even had prepared something special like dinner or something like that), and stupidly, I rejected it.

Fool, huh?

Ha ha ha,.. now I couldn’t turn back the time.
I would never (I assume) receive anything on Valentine’s Day anymore, since he knows (and has learned from his experience) that I ‘hate’ Valentine.

I am 99% sure he wouldn’t read this blog, so I don’t have to be ashamed (unless one of you tell him my secret)

Sad.
It doesn’t mean I mind about it.
I am still okay (could be that I am pretending); I don’t think Valentine is special.
'Till now, we've never been celebrating Valentine.
because of me, really.

Yet, if you want to send me cards, or even better, a box of chocolate (request: Fererro Roche, please, hehehe), you are very, very welcome.

Even Tussendoor,.. (just a break,.. ) worth reading

[as I read my devotional reading today, I realised that I'd been speaking too much lately. Everybody (or should I say, as you) knows that I am VERY talkative. Sometimes, I reckon, I didn't give other chance to speak out what they think. I mostly control the conversation with I, I did, I am, I've been, I've done,.. as I did,.. bla bla bla,.. I hope my roommate doesn't get sick of it. I would change really,.. ]

March of Times - John Fischer

Everyone wants to be significant. We want our lives to mean something in a wider context. Some try to buy significance through their accomplishments or their wealth and possessions. They may succeed in this but only for a short while. Think of the great kings and pharaohs who tried to carry significance into the grave with them. All they got was the march of time and time has a very poor memory. If you’ve ever read gravestones, you have discovered there was a period in history when the most popular thing to put on a grave stone was “Gone, but not forgotten.” It’s always poignant to see that statement barely legible or overgrown with weeds.

Significance is very elusive. It is one of those things you can never find when you are seeking it. Try and be significant and that’s the last thing you will be, and this is a true statement even in an age of marketing, image and sound bites, when notoriety can be created almost overnight. The religious hypocrites of Jesus day tried to do this, and this is what Jesus said about them:
When you give a gift to someone in need, don’t shout about it as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I assure you, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone, don’t tell your left hand what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in secret, and your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you. (Matthew 6:2-4 NLT)

True significance comes by way of being other-minded. It is never self-serving; significance is the result of serving others. And true significance comes from being recognized by God, even if it’s in secret (and it usually is). I’m thinking about all the “little people” who will be big time in heaven. God has such a different view of this than we do.

Try this: When you are with others today, ask them how they are doing instead of talking about yourself. It’s a simple way to start thinking outside of your own head. I know about this because I get stuck in my own head all the time. I think as if other people existed for me when it should be the other way around. You and I exist to serve others. Let’s actually spend some time thinking of how we’re going to do that today.

Soft Time Vs. Hard Time [part TWO]

[continued]

I, finally, did explain how I committed suicide, which in the beginning I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want ‘boasting’ my story, or should I say selling my story, so that everyone would feel sorry, or maybe paying attention to me. I just wanted to share, that’s all!

Now, I would start continuing my story.

1999-2002

I survived!
Praise the Lord!

It was a tough time, indeed. There was a time when I was always so petrified in the morning, before going to school, questioning myself, would there anyone talk to me today? Would there anyone make fun of me? Would the still talk about me behind my back?
Even on Sunday, at church, I sometimes asked whether there was any purpose for me attending the meeting at the church, meeting friends there.
In the end, I had a bad syndrome, not-trusting-anyone-isme. No one could ensure me with what s/he was talking about. If they talked, told me something, I would nod, I would say yes, but I wouldn’t trust any of words one’s saying.
How about Friends? I hardly believed in ones. I had just-friends friends, but no best friends. Even my past-best-friends had to be diminished to be just-friends friends, exception for one in Australia.

Second grade high school.

I was late coming to my new class. I wasn’t indeed enthusiast at all. I’d known my classmates long before anyone else knew – I sat in school organization (OSIS). All of my new classmates were genius, ones who wouldn’t need to study to get high grades. Besides, the worst nightmare ever, was, one of the ‘cool guys’, even ‘the leader’, would be my classmates. Some of the ‘cool guys’ girls’ would be, too.

No Way!
I groaned, again, to God, Why did You do it to me?

When I came to the class, right before the first lesson began. The only seat I fancied were on the back, far from genius students, far from ‘cool people’, ALONE. I didn’t pay attention to anyone. Suddenly, one tall guy came, even later than me, kind of running towards me. IT WAS HIM! One of the ‘cool guys’ from my first grade. Badly, the only free seat was next to me, or he had to sit in front of teacher’s desk.

He chose to sit next to me.
Yet, I saw his face, disliked sitting next to me, but he had to.
I didn’t like either.

I could tell you this story specifically; because I remember every single day I spent with him sitting next to me. I hated going to school, I was even asking my teacher to be transferred to other class. Unfortunately, he couldn’t.
I said to my mom I would stop going to school; I would like to go to other school.
She didn’t allow me.
Everything was disastrous.
It was in the beginning.
Yet, I will bore you if I tell you every single moaning-groaning day I had that time. I would now prefer to quicken my story.

He had problems with his girlfriend. Yes, he, a tall guy, a member of ‘cool guys’ association. Let’s name him Rob. I overheard his conversation with his mates. He was so pissed off. He grumbled all the times, didn’t concentrate on the lessons, finally, I asked him what’s wrong with him. Surprisingly, he told me the whole story.
Seriously, I didn’t expect!
I reckoned it was because he had too much, he felt terribly bad.

I listened his story, patiently; I tried to calm him down –telling him what he supposed to do.

Since then, he became a good friend. He lived really close to my house, thus, he came regularly to my house. In the beginning, he just borrowed books, homework, asked me to help him with his projects, until he started to be my patient, love patient. He asked me when he felt in love with someone, shared his problems, and in the end, we became really good friends.

It was a long story, especially our friendship influenced others, too. In the end, we had 10 friends –close friends that supported each other. We spent our break together; we went out once a week –eating out, watching movie. Just for your information, Mr. Weirdo, was, first, just a friend, one of the ten-friends. Ah, it’s a wonderful story, I would share another time about Mr. Weirdo and I.

Third Grades,.. the last grades,..
School was okay. Love was great, I had a relationship with Mr. Weirdo.
I was about to skip telling you about this period, but I remembered, two big things happened in this period.

First, my cyst came, as a surprising present in my ovary. What a nightmare! I’ve written about it before, just read in Flash Back 2001.

Second, in the end of my third grade, I had a huge problem with church.

I couldn’t tell specifically about it, but it made a big change in my life –radical change.

As you’ve read above, I’d had problems with church a couple times before. In some ways, I didn’t have similar thoughts as some church-people had. It might be that I was wrong, or vice versa.

There was one moment, when I was really hurt. I couldn’t forgive them –people who spoiled me. Seriously, it was the time when I said to God, as follows:
“God, I hate my church. I don’t want to go there anymore. I don’t want to go to GKI anymore (GKI is an Indonesian church – kind of reform/methodic church)”
Even worse I said also:
“God, I would never get involved with church organization anymore. If I go to church, I just want to be part of the congregation, not more than that!”

As I said that, I seriously stopped going to my church, and moved to Mr. Weirod’s church. It was just a couple months before I went to the Netherlands.

2002- Current

Next time in myblog:
- Typhus before my departure to the Netherlands
- Fighting in my first residence
- Long distance – it used to be disastrous
- My first romantic summer