Déjà vu
I’ve never personally believe in it, yet, things that have been happening lately seem recurring: they were similar with what had happened last year.
You might remember that last year I was off to UK: place I’d always been dreaming of (until now really). I went for exchange program to Exeter.
In the beginning, it was such a pain. I knew no one. I came alone. My housemates were strangers (of course!). The people had different life-style and I was THE ONLY Indonesian. Everything was so different.
In the first few weeks, I desperately wanted to go back to Amsterdam. Even worse, I freaked out after I read about what my courses in the university were; they were totally different with what I’d expected. I wanted to learn about Visual Communication. I thought it would be something I’d learned back home in the Netherlands. Apparently, I would learn, mostly, about ART.
It didn’t interest me at all. It could be my mistake not found out about the courses before I’d left. Anyway,..
“Get a grip!”
Similarly I am in that kind of situation again. In contrast, I am now in the Netherlands, a place where I suppose to feel home. Yet, I felt different.
I am doing my second internship in OMF the Netherlands. Oh, I would spend ages telling you why I love being here. However, in this time, I would tell you why I feel, so-called, ‘home sick’.
Unfortunately, I had to move out from my homey-little room in Amsterdam. Apparently, OMF the Netherlands has a better solution for my accommodation. They found me a room in Veenendaal (province Utrecht). I was really happy. I’ve been dreaming lately about having a new room – a single room (It doesn’t me I hate my roommate. She is the BEST!). I remembered when I had a single room in UK, it was really fun. I reckon it is the syndrome what people normally call ‘a need for privacy’.
I live now with a lovely Dutch couple; they are great.
They are toppie ! (this is Dutch expression to say TOP!)
They are Christians, too.
Thus, it’s perfect.
Since I am a human, who would never be satisfied, I complained, AGAIN.
In here, they treat me like a family. Thus I communicated with them regularly, IN DUTCH. In the beginning, I was so excited, because I could practice my Dutch and improve it; however, I became desperate lately. I am so tired talking, thinking and correcting myself at the same time, all the times. If I discuss something with them, I have to think first what I am gonna say, then, I would say it in order, thinking the grammar, and finally, if it is wrong, I would correct myself, or they would correct it and I would say it again.
It is tiring.
I want to be heard but it is so difficult not being able to say what you want.
Here is also a new neighborhood for me. I need to adapt.
I am just tired.
The same problem, the same solution.
I know how I could solve this problem.
Do you know why God let these such things happened?
He wants to show His sovereignty, His love,
If things happen, I would turn to God 100%.
God says, “come you who are burdened and tired”. He also asks us to surrender our worries – to give them up to God.
Sometimes we make sections in our lives: (1) Sections which we ask God to take care of, (2) sections that we ask God to just partially get involved with and (3) there are also sections that we would take care by ourselves.
For instance, we would ask God to take care our study. Yet, when it comes to financial, we would ask God not to get involved.
As what is now happening to me, it is just a tiny problem; it is just about my Dutch. Yet, I might be boasting myself about how good I am in Dutch compared with others. I might say that I would be learning by doing. I would say that I would do self-study.
Now God shows how weak I am. I can’t do without Him. I could spend hours learning Dutch, but if it is for my own pride – to show off how good I am in Dutch – God would say “Hey,. No, no, Nia! It’s not about you. It’s about ME! Turn back, and look what your motivation is. If it is about you, you should consider changing it!
Thus, it is not only about learning Dutch, it is about being humble in God’s eyes.
You might remember that last year I was off to UK: place I’d always been dreaming of (until now really). I went for exchange program to Exeter.
In the beginning, it was such a pain. I knew no one. I came alone. My housemates were strangers (of course!). The people had different life-style and I was THE ONLY Indonesian. Everything was so different.
In the first few weeks, I desperately wanted to go back to Amsterdam. Even worse, I freaked out after I read about what my courses in the university were; they were totally different with what I’d expected. I wanted to learn about Visual Communication. I thought it would be something I’d learned back home in the Netherlands. Apparently, I would learn, mostly, about ART.
It didn’t interest me at all. It could be my mistake not found out about the courses before I’d left. Anyway,..
“Get a grip!”
Similarly I am in that kind of situation again. In contrast, I am now in the Netherlands, a place where I suppose to feel home. Yet, I felt different.
I am doing my second internship in OMF the Netherlands. Oh, I would spend ages telling you why I love being here. However, in this time, I would tell you why I feel, so-called, ‘home sick’.
Unfortunately, I had to move out from my homey-little room in Amsterdam. Apparently, OMF the Netherlands has a better solution for my accommodation. They found me a room in Veenendaal (province Utrecht). I was really happy. I’ve been dreaming lately about having a new room – a single room (It doesn’t me I hate my roommate. She is the BEST!). I remembered when I had a single room in UK, it was really fun. I reckon it is the syndrome what people normally call ‘a need for privacy’.
I live now with a lovely Dutch couple; they are great.
They are toppie ! (this is Dutch expression to say TOP!)
They are Christians, too.
Thus, it’s perfect.
Since I am a human, who would never be satisfied, I complained, AGAIN.
In here, they treat me like a family. Thus I communicated with them regularly, IN DUTCH. In the beginning, I was so excited, because I could practice my Dutch and improve it; however, I became desperate lately. I am so tired talking, thinking and correcting myself at the same time, all the times. If I discuss something with them, I have to think first what I am gonna say, then, I would say it in order, thinking the grammar, and finally, if it is wrong, I would correct myself, or they would correct it and I would say it again.
It is tiring.
I want to be heard but it is so difficult not being able to say what you want.
Here is also a new neighborhood for me. I need to adapt.
I am just tired.
The same problem, the same solution.
I know how I could solve this problem.
Do you know why God let these such things happened?
He wants to show His sovereignty, His love,
If things happen, I would turn to God 100%.
God says, “come you who are burdened and tired”. He also asks us to surrender our worries – to give them up to God.
Sometimes we make sections in our lives: (1) Sections which we ask God to take care of, (2) sections that we ask God to just partially get involved with and (3) there are also sections that we would take care by ourselves.
For instance, we would ask God to take care our study. Yet, when it comes to financial, we would ask God not to get involved.
As what is now happening to me, it is just a tiny problem; it is just about my Dutch. Yet, I might be boasting myself about how good I am in Dutch compared with others. I might say that I would be learning by doing. I would say that I would do self-study.
Now God shows how weak I am. I can’t do without Him. I could spend hours learning Dutch, but if it is for my own pride – to show off how good I am in Dutch – God would say “Hey,. No, no, Nia! It’s not about you. It’s about ME! Turn back, and look what your motivation is. If it is about you, you should consider changing it!
Thus, it is not only about learning Dutch, it is about being humble in God’s eyes.
posted by Oma Nia at
4:30 PM
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