(Again) About Love
It is a second part of Garry Chapman seminary. It is not that I don’t have anything else to discuss, or I lack of creativity, but this topic is really cool; it spoke to me deeply.
“It is about your attitude towards your partner, not only emotionally but also using your mind.”
I think it is really beautiful statement. One says ‘love is blind’. Yes it is when you don’t use your mind. Love is not just the feeling you get and will last forever; you have to learn to love.
As I wrote in the previous post about the tingles, yes, you have to work on to keep the tingles stay in your relationship.
Why learn to love?
Love is an emotional need. The deepest emotional need is to be loved. It is not only in (marriage) relationship, but also with family, children, parents, and maybe, friends.
Thus, how do we feel in the empty jar of love? What should we do when the love is empty, when the tingles are gone?
Here is when Garry Chapman talked further about his book, Five Language of Love
Love of affirmation (read 1 Corinthians 8:1)
Love is used to confirm/affirm your partners with words.
Nia’s comments:
I am not really romantic, thus I am not really good in expressing my love with words. I am also too shy to say. However, I would be happy if someone say that s/he cares about me; Not only ‘I love you’, but also many other encouragement words.
Like this evening, the owner of my house where I live now, Jocke, told me that she would be really worried if I am home really late. I am so happy. It means that there is someone else care about me beside me family,.. and I am loved.
Physical touch
It is pretty clear how this second language work. What interesting is the example from the bible. Jesus, himself, practiced this language. He put his hands on children hands (read mark 10). Thus, he showed that it is important to use physical touch to express love.
Nia’s comments:
Believe it or not, I scored the lowest in this language; I am so bad in this business. First, I am too shy, especially when I have to use ‘this language’ with Mr. Weirdo (heheh,.. please do not ask further explanation). Second, I am afraid of rejection; not only with Mr. Weirdo, but also with friends, colleagues, etc.
On the other hand, I am okay if others do it with me, yet, preferably not in public. I would feel a little bit awkward if other people stare at me. Hehe, no wonder it needed more than half year for my schoolmates in the high school, to notice that I had a relationship with Mr. Weirdo.
Give a gift
Read Ephesians 5:25
Nia’s comments:
I didn’t give further explanation above, because I know it is clear. I reckon, I score the best in this section. I love giving others gifts. For instance, for Mother’s day, a couple weeks a go, I bought Jocke a box of chocolate and a card saying that even though she is not my mom, but she cares for me as my mom would also do. Mr. Weirdo has a big box filled in with my gifts.
I don’t give only expansive gifts, but mostly, gifts that I make by myself.
My mom has noticed my strength since I was in kindergarten school. She told me that I would give my bread to my classmates even though I hadn’t eat any yet. Or, I gave out my stickers collection to my classmate when I knew that he liked it very much. Heheh,.. funny, huh?!
Shortly, I think it is important to show our love with give. As I said, the gift doesn’t need to be expansive, but meaningful.
Quality of time
Do we spend enough time?
Garry Chapman gave a statement that made me stunned, and thought about myself, my relationship, and how I’ve spent my time with my loved family, friends and Mr. Weirdo. He said “if you spend 20 minutes to talk with your partners, you spend 20 minutes of YOUR LIFE to talk with him/her.”
Nia’s comments:
I stunned. I spent, indeed, less time with Mr. Weirdo, also because of the long distance relationship. I promise to myself that when I go back to Indonesia, when I will meet Mr. Weirdo again, I will spend more time with him, using the time effectively, so that I won’t regret in the future.
I am actually not bad in this section, but I could score more, especially with my family. One thing I would do for sure when I go back to Indonesia: spending most of my (holiday) time with my family.
Acts of Service
Read 1 John 3:18. It says that we should love with actions, instead of only with words and tongues.
Nia’s comments:
I agree with this statement. I score quite good in this business. I don’t mind serving others.
I remember what Garry Chapmans’ examples were. He said about cleaning the house. For marriage couple, helping to clean the house is an essential thing to do (especially for men), to make the wives happy.
In my case, I have once said to Mr. Weirdo “Sometimes I doubt your love. You said ‘I love you’ repeatedly, but your actions didn’t show that you really love. Please tell me honestly, do you really love me?”
To close this section, Garry Chapman explained that everyone only has ONE language that s/he really good at. So, which one is your language?
“It is about your attitude towards your partner, not only emotionally but also using your mind.”
I think it is really beautiful statement. One says ‘love is blind’. Yes it is when you don’t use your mind. Love is not just the feeling you get and will last forever; you have to learn to love.
As I wrote in the previous post about the tingles, yes, you have to work on to keep the tingles stay in your relationship.
Why learn to love?
Love is an emotional need. The deepest emotional need is to be loved. It is not only in (marriage) relationship, but also with family, children, parents, and maybe, friends.
Thus, how do we feel in the empty jar of love? What should we do when the love is empty, when the tingles are gone?
Here is when Garry Chapman talked further about his book, Five Language of Love
Love of affirmation (read 1 Corinthians 8:1)
Love is used to confirm/affirm your partners with words.
Nia’s comments:
I am not really romantic, thus I am not really good in expressing my love with words. I am also too shy to say. However, I would be happy if someone say that s/he cares about me; Not only ‘I love you’, but also many other encouragement words.
Like this evening, the owner of my house where I live now, Jocke, told me that she would be really worried if I am home really late. I am so happy. It means that there is someone else care about me beside me family,.. and I am loved.
Physical touch
It is pretty clear how this second language work. What interesting is the example from the bible. Jesus, himself, practiced this language. He put his hands on children hands (read mark 10). Thus, he showed that it is important to use physical touch to express love.
Nia’s comments:
Believe it or not, I scored the lowest in this language; I am so bad in this business. First, I am too shy, especially when I have to use ‘this language’ with Mr. Weirdo (heheh,.. please do not ask further explanation). Second, I am afraid of rejection; not only with Mr. Weirdo, but also with friends, colleagues, etc.
On the other hand, I am okay if others do it with me, yet, preferably not in public. I would feel a little bit awkward if other people stare at me. Hehe, no wonder it needed more than half year for my schoolmates in the high school, to notice that I had a relationship with Mr. Weirdo.
Give a gift
Read Ephesians 5:25
Nia’s comments:
I didn’t give further explanation above, because I know it is clear. I reckon, I score the best in this section. I love giving others gifts. For instance, for Mother’s day, a couple weeks a go, I bought Jocke a box of chocolate and a card saying that even though she is not my mom, but she cares for me as my mom would also do. Mr. Weirdo has a big box filled in with my gifts.
I don’t give only expansive gifts, but mostly, gifts that I make by myself.
My mom has noticed my strength since I was in kindergarten school. She told me that I would give my bread to my classmates even though I hadn’t eat any yet. Or, I gave out my stickers collection to my classmate when I knew that he liked it very much. Heheh,.. funny, huh?!
Shortly, I think it is important to show our love with give. As I said, the gift doesn’t need to be expansive, but meaningful.
Quality of time
Do we spend enough time?
Garry Chapman gave a statement that made me stunned, and thought about myself, my relationship, and how I’ve spent my time with my loved family, friends and Mr. Weirdo. He said “if you spend 20 minutes to talk with your partners, you spend 20 minutes of YOUR LIFE to talk with him/her.”
Nia’s comments:
I stunned. I spent, indeed, less time with Mr. Weirdo, also because of the long distance relationship. I promise to myself that when I go back to Indonesia, when I will meet Mr. Weirdo again, I will spend more time with him, using the time effectively, so that I won’t regret in the future.
I am actually not bad in this section, but I could score more, especially with my family. One thing I would do for sure when I go back to Indonesia: spending most of my (holiday) time with my family.
Acts of Service
Read 1 John 3:18. It says that we should love with actions, instead of only with words and tongues.
Nia’s comments:
I agree with this statement. I score quite good in this business. I don’t mind serving others.
I remember what Garry Chapmans’ examples were. He said about cleaning the house. For marriage couple, helping to clean the house is an essential thing to do (especially for men), to make the wives happy.
In my case, I have once said to Mr. Weirdo “Sometimes I doubt your love. You said ‘I love you’ repeatedly, but your actions didn’t show that you really love. Please tell me honestly, do you really love me?”
To close this section, Garry Chapman explained that everyone only has ONE language that s/he really good at. So, which one is your language?
posted by Oma Nia at
2:07 PM
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