Unposted letter

Dear Stefy,

It is foolish to write a letter while I can talk to you in live, face-to-face. Yet, I think it is because we have been on four years long-distance relationship. It is easier for me to type my feeling in a piece of paper.

I am sure you have heard this many times; you have realized it, too, I believe. I am so glad that I am able to meet you again, to meet you face-to-face. I cannot stop thanking God for this opportunity.

Yet, I thought it would be forever; I thought I would not be separated from you anymore. The fact is that it is probably that I am going away, again. Jakarta is not very far, yet it is indeed a distance that we should comprehend.

I, often, think that it is unfair for you, also for us that I leave you like this once again, that I seemingly put our relationship in a third or forth place in my life. If you ever think like this, no,.. I really am proud of our relationship, but on the other hand, I know that God is asking me to do something else. Once I have ever perceived God as a cruel being. Why ain’t it enough to examine our relationship?? Four years, separated from each other. Isn’t that more than enough? Then, you told me that He has a beautiful plan for us. I knew that, yet when you are in such situation, you just can’t think rationally anymore, can you?

You know what I am now most afraid of? I am scared to imagine that once, I hope it will NEVER happen, you wake up one night and you realize that our relationship ain’t gonna work out because of another distance we have to comprehend. I am so scared.

I confess, sometimes, when you are not on your mood or you are just too tired to joke around with me, I would be so petrified thinking that maybe you’d had that kind of night I mentioned above; you woke up the night before, or the afternoon, thinking that our relationship is just a dream to be realized.

Ah, I think I am just to dependant on my feeling, my strength and my ability. One hand, I know I can go through this, because we have been through 4 years LDR, and because we have such an amazing and loving GOD, but on the other hand, I am just too afraid that we have had it and now we would kind of tired of doing it again and again.

Do you think that I don’t rely on Him? Do you think that I am too self-centred?

I hate being so pathetic like this, but, have you ever imagined why things always happen not as how we had expected to happen? I love God and I know His sovereignty, but can I ever propose just one thing? Ah, I know He knows the best. Maybe you are right; maybe we just need to surrender everything, every single thing to Him.

Where would I be? I don’t know, but yeah,.. let us rely on something we know would never change, GOD.

In case you don’t know, I love you :P Thanks for supporting me and being a very great friend and brother to me. Please keep praying for me, please do, every night.

Blessings,
Nie'