I am afraid

I was just thinking, "when was the last time I felt very afraid?" Not a worry or concern, but really afraid that is more a fear of something serious, something dangerous.

I cannot remember.

I think it was in the year 1998 when Suharto was still the president of Indonesia and many people disagreed. There was some kind of revolution movement. People went on strike. There were riots everywhere.

I was, then, at home, with my mom and lil' brotha. I was very afraid, very much. I was frightened. I thought that people would come to our house and kidnap me and my brother, or probably rape me (because I was teenager then, and the issue was many female teenagers were being raped). My mom hugged both me and my brotha. I remember singing "pelangi kasih" at that time. We prayed for hours and hours, until we fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up, and nothing happened.

I am now in a quite frightening situation. There have been some threads against me and my organisation. As a Public Relation officer, I have to represent the whole organisation. It's kind of having all the burdens in my shoulder. I am afraid. Honestly, I am not afraid of being killed, because I know that the God I praise will grant me eternal life; yet I am just afraid of not being able to end this issue and will affect other parties, too.

Or honestly, I am afraid of my disability, I reckon. A naughty feeling just came across me, "Nia, you shouldn't be here, actually."

What I would like to happen right now is just being hugged by someone, preferably God or, to make it possible, my mom, and fall asleep. I wish that when I wake up, I would find everything is better and no more tears in my eyes.

Thank to my friend who sent me this SMS this morning:
for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous

Please pray for me, friends